Becoming a Better Parent (when walking singleness and infertility)

When I was a child I used to write books.... more precisely I wrote a great deal of chapter ones.  Inevitably almost every story involved a "mystery someone" (me), 10 children, and 25 animals.  It was my dream.  What I wanted when I grew up (though I never verbalized it as culturally it was not an acceptable dream).  Needless to say I definitely did not expect to end up on the...

Read More

Enlarging My Tent

"Enlarge the place of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out;  do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes."   Isaiah 54:2 I am entering into a season of enlarging my tent.  And it is s c a r y.  Isaiah 54 was spoken into my heart many years ago.  In my mind I mapped out this elaborate specific plan of what...

Read More

The Appendix Epihpany

Community is not my strong suit.  We have a long dysfunctional love hate relationship.  Strangely enough my biggest struggle with community is when I am in America.  It is a lot easier for me to form community when I am living overseas.  Two years ago I moved back to America for a season and have lived in my current community for a year and a half.  During this time I have...

Read More

1436 Days

I stared at the pages in front of me and with the grandest of intentions I wrote: 1. that the girls call me Lera It was December of 2011.  The fog of the past 3 months had slowly started to lift, though I wasn't sure my soul would ever recover.  During this time I heard about a blogger, Ann Voskamp, who was encouraging people to write down 1000 things for which they were thankful.   I...

Read More

Armor of God Study: Truth

Recently I was invited to attend a new class at church.  I immediately started crying and jumping up and down while shouting yes at the top of my lungs.  Well that's what I was doing on the inside anyways.  Can you tell I have been starved for adult interaction of late? As soon as the initial excitement wore off I began to wonder what this class would be about.  I soon learned...

Read More

When You're Not Called to the Monastary

 From the title of this post you may come to the conclusion that I am Catholic.  I'm not.  I grew up in a new age community and became a part of the protestant community as a teenager (that's another story).  My entire life I have been intrigued by monasteries (even before I really knew what they were).  Captivated by these people who live their lives set apart.  People...

Read More

Joy & Pain and Inbetween

A few weekends ago I had the opportunity to chat on the phone with a friend I have not talked to in months.  We caught up on jobs and moves and the little things of life.  I could tell there was something she wanted to say to me, but she seemed to be holding back.  There was a long pause and she said "Well ... I have been following your blog and well..." My first thought was "someone...

Read More

Anything

Why is anything so tough?  Because you said yes to anything once before and it turned into a Grimm's Brother story and you decided that God wasn't good and you spent the last 4 years wrestling with that... Oh yeah...  This is part of the conversation I had with myself the other night as I was rereading Jennie Allen's book Anything.  You see 4 years ago I told God I was abandoning...

Read More

Lesson at the Pump

I am notoriously introverted independent. Before Amazon I rarely bought anything, because well that would involve interacting with *gasp* people.  This often results in me pretending that I know how to do things.  Well the past few weeks I have been driving around with my window precariously placed sideways in my door.  With the weather report forecasting 3 days of rain and me being...

Read More

Hello Victorious One

Hello Victorious One, You've been waiting for God to move in a big way, to come in and change your life in a mighty and glorious way.  Guess what.  He's going to!   But... it is not going to look at all like you are expecting.  In fact it's going to look like the total opposite of what you have been waiting for.  A dark night of the soul.  A dark dark dark dark...

Read More

Dolphins and Infertility Awareness Week

This week was Infertility Awareness Week.  I spent most of the week out of the country which was perfect for me this year!  As I have mentioned ad nauseaum, emotions have been high recently.  One question I often hear or see from people who do not deal with infertility is "what should I say if someone tells me they're infertile?"  Truth is I don't know what to say (I do however...

Read More

I am Sarai

This week I have been reflecting on Sarai's actions in Gensis 16.  She is unhappy with her bareness and attempts to change her situation through her own power.  Oh how I relate! When I am unhappy with a situation my first reaction is to do something to change the situation.  Its an overarching theme in my life. You know what else is an overarching theme in my life?  That every...

Read More

The God Who Sees Yet Still Shows Up

!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Times; panose-1:2 0 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;} @font-face {font-family:Times; panose-1:2 0 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;} @font-face {font-family:Cambria; ...

Read More

What I almost Missed

In college it seemed all young adults in the Christian community talked about “life verses.” This was a new concept for me. My understanding was that a life verse was a bible verse from God that spoke over a person’s entire life. One that no matter what they could come back to over and over again. The concept intrigued me (even though I clearly did not understand it) so a year before my diagnosis...

Read More

When a Secret is No Longer a Secret

!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Cambria Math"; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-536870145 1107305727 0 0 415 0;} @font-face {font-family:Cambria; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-536870145...

Read More

A Bibliophile’s Sabbatical

!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"ＭＳ 明朝"; mso-font-charset:78; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-536870145 1791491579 18 0 131231 0;} @font-face {font-family:"Cambria Math"; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-536870145 1107305727 0 0 415...

Read More

They Love Me, They Love Me Not

As a child did you ever play the game where you take a flower and pick off the petals one by one alternating with “they love me” or “they love me not?”  I did, always wondering if they cared for me too.  Fast forward several years and you find college me no longer playing children’s games, but still wondering “do they love me?”  January of 2010 I wrote in my journal:   “…if...

Read More

God Stories

Stories are an integral part of cultures all over the world.  I have been thinking about stories recently as my news feed on Facebook has been filled with God stories:  *“God hears! My wallet was returned and nothing is missing!” “Your prayers have been answered I was officially declared cancer free today” “I’m engaged! You were worth waiting for!!!” “He...

Read More