According to my Google research if I could get my window up into place I could use suction cups along the bottom to hold the window in an upright position and prevent it from sliding back down into my door. So early one morning I grabbed my tool kit, pulled up a Wikipedia article on removing door panels, and headed to my car in my maxi dress. Before I knew it the panel lay in pieces on the ground and I had a collection of screws of various sizes. The window had popped out of its grooves during the process, but finally an hour and lots of oil later it finally slid into place. At this point I started to panic as I had a lunch that I needed to leave for stat. Knowing that I had a time limit I had neglected to label or organize the screws as I removed them. I threw the panel into place and started screwing screws into any opening I could find until I had no screw lefts and a very wobbly door panel attached.
As I drove off I hoped that my temporary fix was enough to hold the window in place for at least a couple months. My lunch was in the next state over and I was thrilled as this state allows you to pump your own gas (my current state does not and I miss pumping my own gas terribly!). I merged onto the highway when my gas light began to ding. Being set on pumping my own gas I flew down the road pray-hoping that I wouldn't run out of gas before arriving in the next state. Not to mention I was late for my lunch!
Finally I coasted on fumes into the gas station. I rushed to exit my car but before I could even get one foot out the owner of the gas station came running over grabbed my car and said "here I'll do it for you!" And my eyes immediately filled with tears (a combination of the stress of the last week and the disappointment of not being able to pump my own gas). As we waited for the gas the owner poured truth and encouragement into my life.
As I drove away I laughed as this disappointment was an answer to prayer. My current life season has a serious lack of community to put it lightly. Inevitably my conversations with God always circle back to God I have to do everything myself can I get a hand once in a while... please? And I realized that in this season that hand is the men that pump my gas every week. And as much as I complain about not being able to pump my own gas I appreciate these men and our conversations each week. Often times its the deepest adult conversation I have all week (critical to the soul of this INFJ). Not to mention I am often the talk of the station as my car sometimes rolls away by itself. My window is always broken. And I am sure they love to tell the story of the one time I pulled up with blood spewing all over my car and the only cash I had...
You see I want help... but I also want to be in control. I want to be independent with all the benefits of dependency. But I can't have both. It won't work. They are two separate masters. I've been trying to play both sides for a long time and the time has come for me to choose. And it boils down to this... will I serve myself or will I serve God?
Post a Comment