The Oh No What Do We Do with Them Crowd

Dear Church,

I’ve moved.  Again.  12 times in 7 years has taken its toll.  I’m not as optimistic as I once was, but that is not what this letter is about (though I am sure it shapes my views).  This letter is about the people of the church I like to call the “oh no what do we do with them crowd.”

The biggest demographic of this group being people who are 30 something and single.  I cannot tell you how many churches I have visited that have a Young Adults Group 18-30 and a *insert catchy name here* over 40 and single group.  While this may not be the intent, the message that often comes across to the single 30s is that it’s a bad thing to be 30 something and single and that there is no place for us in the church.  Unless... we get married.  In which case there are 17 couples small groups, Couples Retreats twice a year, and special events just for families.  It’s interesting that the single 30s are the group that often gets pushed to the wayside as Jesus himself was a 30 something single…

At this point some of you may be thinking “let’s start a single 30s group!” Please please please please please do not.  That is not what I am trying to say.  And just to be clear I am not advocating the scraping of couples’ ministries.  I believe that they are extremely important.

Let’s take a look at Corinthians 12: 14-26 for a moment:
“For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, ‘Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,’ that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, ‘Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,’ that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you,’ nor again the head to the feet, ‘I have no need of you.’ On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.”

God choose each and every member of you Church.  The 20 something single straight out of college.  The 28 year old couple with three kids.  The 35 year old single. The 64 year old empty nesters.  The 40 year old widow.  The 80 year old newly weds.  Each one bringing something important to the table. 

Did you know that our heart is constantly communicating with our brain providing feedback and instruction?  Can you imagine if our heart only communicated with itself?  With this in mind why is it that connection groups are composed solely of people in the same life stage?  Being married or a certain adult age shouldn’t be a requirement for belonging. 

Aside: Young adult groups shouldn’t look like youth groups.  Young adults are ADULTS.  They are also not your youth group’s free labor.  Yes some young adults love to serve as a member of the youth group team; however, this doesn’t mean all young adults want to OR should.  Young adults don’t need more young adults.  They need Jesus, wisdom, and belonging.  You know who has insight into all of these areas? Older adults. 

Okay back to the point. Church I know you are tired.  I know that you work hard.  I know that I, and many others, am quick to point out your weaknesses and not quick enough to point out your strengths.  And I know that you are striving to do your very best.  Its okay that you don’t know what to do with us.  Often we don’t know what to do with ourselves either.  Come alongside us and lets figure it out together.  We’ll all be healthier because of it.