Tell Me More

How often have I misunderstood?How often have I closed out another’s pain to avoid my own?How often?Recently, I’ve endeavored to be a tad bit more open.  It hasn’t exactly gone well.  The other day I was with someone and they asked how I was doing.  “I’m struggling,” I said. “I wish I had community.”Sadness crossed their eyes and for a moment my body relaxed.  I knew they couldn’t...

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Review: I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die (+Giveaway)

I received this book from the publisher through their book launch program and was not required to write a positive review. As soon as I read Sarah’s note that my, the reader’s, safety is more important than finishing the book I knew this wasn’t going to be like any other book.  The pages are full of grace, vulnerability, and validation for both fellow sufferers and those who love them.  Sarah...

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Night

  When the darkness closes inAnd there is no hope withinStill I will swimWaves crashingWater risingUnsurprisingEyes closedSoul wearyAll is drearyHope leeryLight is gone.All alone.No more home.Left to roam.Shore is fadingSick and waitingStill I will s...

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A Time to Fade

“Everyone needs more than anyone can give right now.”I lie in bed staring at the ceiling.  Wondering if I can possibly get away with not showering one. more. day. My joints ache.  I notice the stiffness in my fingers and toes.  This doesn’t surprise me, but the tears come anyway.  …Even my own body is against me… I used to wish things would change.  Now I wish for...

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Washer Door Reflections

Several years ago, when I moved into my current residence, I discovered that the washer door was broken.  I quickly figured out that if I did this specific convoluted wiggle balance dance then the door would close.  Soon I didn’t even have to think about it.  I just did it.  Several years and hundreds of loads later someone restored the washer door to its original functionality. ...

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Oh to be That Girl Again...

On the first page of 2019 I wrote: “Body aching. Soul empty. Mind tired. January is hard.  A reminder that life only ever gets harsher.  Hope, a mirage. ‘Foxes have holes and birds have nests Other men have families A place they can call home and find their rest But what is there for me?’ -Crownbearer”  I wrote that entry thinking I was reflecting on the...

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Where do I go from here?

Where do I go from here?  The question rolls in my head day in and day out. Years ago when I first found faith I tried to describe to a friend what I was experiencing.  I told her how I had been in a mucky rushing river and all of sudden I was on land.  My life had been spent in the river.  I didn’t know how to live on land.  Each day was a learning experience.  Each...

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The Oh No What Do We Do with Them Crowd

Dear Church, I’ve moved.  Again.  12 times in 7 years has taken its toll.  I’m not as optimistic as I once was, but that is not what this letter is about (though I am sure it shapes my views).  This letter is about the people of the church I like to call the “oh no what do we do with them crowd.” The biggest demographic of this group being people who are 30 something...

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The Little Engine who Couldn't

p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000} p.p2 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000; min-height: 15.0px} span.s1 {font-kerning: none} Once upon a time there was a little engine.  This little engine didn’t like being little.  This little engine...

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Trust Restorers... at the Auto Dealership?

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Processing

Have you ever walked in somewhere and instantly felt at home?  That's how I felt the moment I walked into the doors of the church I've been attending the past few months.  Every Sunday Americans, Ghanians, French, Chinese, Mexicans, Canadians, Cameroonians, Philippinos, South Africans, Swedes, Colombians, Brits, Germans, New Zealanders, Taiwanese and many more stand side by side worshiping....

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